Marital researchers can predict with an 80-85% accuracy which couples will divorce based on self-reporting information about themselves and their partner. These scientists have looked at the following predictive scales: realistic expectations, communication, conflict resolution, personality, and religious orientation. In contrast to couples that divorce, happily married couples score strongly on these five scales.
REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS:
Realistic expectations are closely linked with acceptance. Acceptance is probably the single greatest factor in predicting marital satisfaction and stability. There are two parts to "realistic expectations." First, a couple must be aware of and flexible about the natural changes that occur as the relationship and family go through normal transitions and maturation. It is impossible to think about, feel about, and experience one's partner the same way during courtship, as the first year of living together, as after 30 years of marriage. Families, like children, go through distinct stages of development. Each stage has its own challenges and goals. Secondly, it is essential to marital happiness that each partner tolerate the other's peculiarities and idiosyncrasies. "He may never be the best communicator but it is OK," may be the wife's attitude. "She may never be well organized and tidy, but I can live with it," may be the husband's attitude.
COMMUNICATION:
Dialogue about one's feelings, dreams, fears, and ideas are what builds bridges between people. It is essential that husbands and wives share their inner lives with each other. In order for this to happen, there must be a feeling of safety to support self-disclosure, which comes from respectful and validating communication. Physical intimacy is also a vital means of physical and emotional communication. Providing mutual pleasure to ones spouse is very basic and its importance cannot be underestimated. Research has shown that one negative interaction such as anger or criticism can nullify five to twenty positive interactions. For the most part, daily communication is what makes or breaks a relationship. The challenge is to produce the greatest number of positive interactions to the fewest negative interactions. Scientists observing couples in action have seen how just a few negative comments can spoil an entire day or week.