Taharat Hamishpacha and Intimacy During Times of War.

ב"ה

Tishrei 5784

During times of war like these, let us strengthen our faith and pray that Hashem should protect His people and defeat our enemy.

Below are guidelines on how to keep Taharat Hamishpacha during these times.

A. Hefsek Tahara and Shiva Nekiim

1. It is important to keep the order of Taharah and Tevilla in times like these. Since there are natural distractions during these days, one may forget to do bedikot during the 7 clean days.

Therefore, it is recommended that on the day that she is meant to do her Hefsek Tahara, and her bleeding has stopped in the morning, she should shower and do an internal check – bedika – in the morning, (without putting in a moch dachuk) so that if she forgets or is unable to do a bedika later, before shkia, the morning bedika will be considered her Hefsek Tahara and she will be able to start counting the 7 clean days the following day. (If she does remember closer to shkia, she should do a new bedika and a moch dachuk)

2. One should also use cell phone or alarm clocks as reminders to do bedikot during the 7 clean days.

B. Tevillah and its preparations

3. One should lechatchila go to the mikvah on time, after nightfall upon completing the 7th day.

4. Nevertheless, as much as going to the Mikvah on time is of utmost importance, it is imperative to obey to the instructions of the security forces. One should look for a Mikvah that has a miklat either in it or nearby.

5. It is important to prepare yourself for Tevillah in a calm and thorough manner. It is recommended to remove hair (if you are used to it) and cut your nails on the day prior to Tevillah in order to reduce the time needed to prepare yourself on the actual day of Mikvah. On the day of one’s tevillah, one should wash her hair and body with warm water, comb her hair and check that there are no chatzitzot. (Sitting in a bath is recommended lechatchila but there are situations when a thorough hot shower will be enough - please consult your Rav if such a situation arises)

6. If you are wearing gel nail polish and cannot get an appointment to professionally remove it, try to remove it at home – there are a few videos online that explain how to do it. Make sure that the final result is good. Try to remember to remove your polish a few days before. Either way, in times of doubt, please consult a Rav.

7. If you live in an area where going out at night is dangerous or not allowed according to security forces, consult a Rav about pushing off Mikvah to the next day – day 8, during the day. It is preferable for a bedikah to be performed on the day of tevila.

8. If you have to immerse during the day – you should lechatchila not see your husband until nightfall. If, for security reasons, this is not possible, one should try not to be in the same place alone – Yichud – but try to be around other people or children.

9. Even if going out is allowed, but both husband and wife are fearful, there may be an option to push off tevila to a different night when both parties agree and after consulting a Rav. (If a day tevilla is needed, consult a Rav as above)

10. When tevilla is pushed off, one may wear colored underwear once the 7 nekiim are over, and there is no need to continue with bedikot past day 7. Obviously, harchakot still apply until after tevilla.

11. If for some reason the couple cannot technically be intimate on Mikvah night, a Rav should be consulted in order to see if she should go to the Mikvah anyway in order to allow affectionate touch and to not have to keep harchakot.

12. A woman whose husband was called to the army, and the time for her tevilla has come – should try to dip on time and not push off her tevilla so that if, and when, her husband is let out suddenly, she should be tehora. (Some Poskim have written that in such a situation, a woman should use some kind of “protection” till her husband comes home – such as a knife under her pillow, sleep with a piece of her husband’s clothing(

Either way, if it is difficult for her, for security reasons or because of her care for her children, she may delay her Tevilla till her husband comes home.

C. Intimacy

13. During such times, the question is obviously asked whether or not it is right to have intimate relations.

Poskim have dealt with this issue in halacha and the conclusion is that intimacy is allowed in such situations. (How much more so if it is her Mikvah night or if the couple does not have children yet)

There is sometimes an emotional difficulty during times as these and such closeness may bring strength, comfort and stability.

That being said, if both husband and wife feel difficulty being intimate, they are allowed to refrain from intimacy as a joint decision (if this is following tevila and intimacy has not yet occurred, then again, ‘protection’ – as above should be observed when she goes to sleep until intimacy has taken place) . (if a couple does not have children yet, they should not refrain from intimacy especially around the days where the chance to becoming pregnant are higher in order to fulfill the mitzvah of Pru uRvu).

Please remember that these leniencies are given al pi halacha only during these extenuating circumstances and should not be followed if the situation does not exist.

May we reinforce our Emunah in that Eretz Yisrael, G-d’s chosen land, of which it is written, “the eyes of G-d are always upon it, from the beginning of the year to its end.”

Let us beg Hashem that He should have mercy on His people, put an end to our suffering and may He bless us with revealed Brachos starting with the coming of Moshiach Now.